Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
