...so i touched it.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Randomize
