you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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