I can tuck mytits in my pants
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
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