well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
