Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
its not stalking. its research.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
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