I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
