Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
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