is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Randomize
