I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
