like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
