im having a threesome with these popsicles
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
