Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
