I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Randomize
