fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize
