Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
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