I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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