We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Randomize
