Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
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