I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
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