How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Randomize
