If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
I just threw up on my dentist
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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