Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
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