if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Randomize
