I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
