does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
