Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
