i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
