Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
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