Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
