I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
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Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Randomize