tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
Buhtt sex?
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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