She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
