I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize
