chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
I love you. Go after that dick
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
