Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Randomize
