were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
