she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
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