He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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