I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
as a side note pls kill me
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Randomize
