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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
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