dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
