so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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