best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
