You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
