It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Randomize
