bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
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