It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
and you fell through a lawn chair
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Randomize
