Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
