party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
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