Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Randomize
