Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Randomize
