Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Your cock deserves a montage
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
