it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
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