Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
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