ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Randomize
