awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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