dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
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