You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
