just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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