ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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