apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
