4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
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