Define "chronic" masturbator.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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