i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Randomize
